Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Florida bliss, Florida love

Marianne here. What a fantastic few days we've had. And as I sit here tonight watching NCIS with my Dad, a patriotic support the troops commercial comes on, and I realize just how good I've got it. I am so blessed to have such wonderful support as I've gone through some of the toughest challenges I've faced. It's been hard, really hard some days, and others have been the best of my life. Not having Clint around has been so random, and reflective, and emotional, and strengthening at the same time. Cue baby cries. I'll be back...

K. I've been wanting to write it, get it out, for a while. Finally feeling like I'm getting a bit more perspective on this whole deployment thing. I've been mad, really mad. No, not at the birth, or right after. But when Y and I had to leave the hospital. For some reason that moment pissed me off more than any. Who knows why? Maybe prior I was distracted by my hopes of birth and what was happening, maybe it was like after an injury and the adrenaline stops, shock starts. But, yeah, that point I was mad as hell. Sorry, Mom. And then I was sad, depressingly sad. Throughout the holidays, our anniversary, getting over the hump of six weeks of postpartum. But, I faced that, went and saw a professional, and now I'm good. And there was the physical breakdown. When my body just said enough already, you have to much on your plate, and took a break. Literally. I lost conciousness for a bit, maybe two minutes, but it was my body saying that it had enough. And then the parenting let downs. When I've screamed a bit too loud, a bit too long, and then I feel like the worst Mom in the world. And I apologize. After it all, I can then have a day like today. A perfect day. A day where Y sleeps on me for nap, smiling every few minutes when I just know he is having a wonderful dream. And play with Reed and Hayes in the pool as I havent in too long. Being silly, having the best of times, without a care in the world. And walking home on the beach with them. Knowing Y is cuddled up with Dad, in possibly his favorite spot-my Dad's calm arms, while I can explore a sea jelly through the eyes of a five year old, or dig shells like a two year old (but so close to three). So, yeah, I know we'll be alright, the five of us, when we're reunited. And when I look out across the ocean and am deep in my thoughts I realize that I'm not the one missing a thing.

With that, enjoy our incredible family, that's enough typing and opening of my heart for one night:).


  1. i am in awe of you...as a mother...as a wife...as a friend...and as a sister...i adore and respect you

  2. Who knew you were such a sap.... ahem, creative writer??? As I have said before, you have the abiltiy to handle the toughest circumstances so gracefully. You make it look easy. Hats off to Muskrat. Love you.... all five of you!

  3. I am in tears. I can't write anymore! Ok.. a few more words. I am proud of you M....

  4. I just want to say THANK YOU for opening up and sharing like that. It's not only good for you (cathartic and all that) it's good for us too. I got to see more of you in this post than ever before. I have tons of respect for you kid. Keep processing through it all. Keep listening to your heart, your head and your body. You can't go wrong if you are just true to yourself and your feelings. YAY for YOU!

    Also, those might be some of the finest photos I've ever seen of your kids. Sincerely.


  5. That post tooks lots of guts- and I am so very proud of you. I felt like the REAL MARIANNE stepped out of hiding- and running- And showed her beautiful colors. What you're doing is hard, real, real hard. It would be tough enough just with the three little ones- but add in that Clint's deployment...
    So know I'm proud of you- your determination- and honesty. The real test of a person's strength isn't how often they're knocked down- but how often they get back up and go at it again. You're showing that strength- you just keep getting up...

    And those are the best pictures you've taken in months- the peace of the moment is shining out- as the pictures come alive with love- and joy.